Wednesday, May 9, 2012

paradise lost

My Son
 Here are a few of the things i will never have the chance to share with you. First and foremost a boy is born with a spark in his being, that spark will drive you to explore the world in all it's wonder. If your like me you will take time to enjoy the simple things like the wind blowing through the tree tops, how a bird picks the perfect wind to soar, the smell of the ocean right before a storm. That spark will eventually become a fire that will burn, to feel the rush of riding your bike at what seems to be 100 miles per hour downhill wheels humming, handle bars shaking  or even build a raft that has no chance of floating but you will put it on the water anyway and inevitably end up testing your strength in swimming.
As you grow you will learn that a measure of a man is not how tough he is or how athletic he is. I would hope that you would learn by example that the fire that once drove you to  push everything to its limits would serve to remind you of them. That being a man is about giving not taking. Being kind just because its the right thing to do not because its expected of you. The type of friend that helps because being a friend isn't about you, its about the relationship and building connections with others. Giving love  although its not always easy.
Life has way of making that fire within wane. School, work , deadlines all of these are part of life but also have a way of preoccupying you as time goes on you will grow accustomed [by accustomed I mean they will steal the wonder and excitement ] to life without these things and slowly you will forget the days when you wondered, ventured, dared to do those things that made you happy.
One day you will discover love and your world will change. Once agin that fire will burn like the sun only this time you will not know how to channel that fire. You will only know that the beautiful, delicate, mysterious creature who has ignited this fire wants to be with you and your mind will wander back to the days when that bird picked the perfect wind to soar just the way your heart will soar. You will want to share that fire to protect ,nurture,  and never disappoint this wonderful thing you have found.
Eventually son you will know physical love and have a child of your own that will be your chance to pass the fire onto the next generation and impart all the knowledge of your time here on. A chance at redemption to right the wrongs of your youth to see past the sins of your father and make things right your way. Unfortunately your spark was extinguished before its time with it went my shot at redemption. You see my wound will never heal I will never have your spark back and these words will never reach your ears. The only thing that remains of your fire is tastefully yet  discretely packaged in a velvet covered box in my closet